Remembering 2009

Since 2009 will soon come to the end, I’d like to make a so-called-caleidoscope. 2009 was so special for me. I have achieved so many things this year and also I’ve done lots of new things. It seems only yesterday when I was celebrating the new year’s eve with my whole fam in S’pore and today it’s already December 26th. 6 days from now we’ll face 2010. Time flies so fast until we don’t realize.I’m so lucky that I have this blog so I can make a “documentation” of my life.

I made this resolution list in January 2009. I’ve dashlined some of them, means that I’ve done those stuffs. I always avoid to make a big wish because it’ll only make me dissapointed if I can’t make it. So, I just made some simple wishes back then. And yeah I’m so grateful because I’ve done most of the things that I wanted to be done.

My first wishes was getting higher GPA. Actually last semester (6th semester) I’ve got my highest GPA of all time. Somehow I couldn’t believe that. Gosh,,finally I could make it and made my parents feel proud of me. I must gain higher GPA this semester. I have to study harder.

My other wish was to do my internship successfully. Though I didn’t get my first choice, finally I could do my internship program in a much better place and sorrounded by a lot of friendly staffs. GOD is always so kind to me. I totally didn’t regret about me not getting my first choice. I learned a lot from that internship program. I was the only intern from ITB in that place. I made some new friends there. 1 month was not enough for me doing the internship. It was super fun back then. And thanks GOD, next semester I’ll do my final project research there. Yeah I won’t do the research at my campus since there are some ‘birocracy’ in my campus. I hate birocracy for sure. In fact, the main reason is that I’ll work with pathogenic bacteria so I don’t allowed to do the research in campus. Conducting a research in the field of medical microbiology has became my dream since the first time I chose microbiology as my major. So, I felt very happy when I was given the chance to finish my research in that place. And I have to say once again that I’m so lucky having such a cool advisor who suggest you to contact her whenevr you like through blackberry messenger. She’s so cool, isn’t she?

This year, I also made a decision to getting out from my comfort zone. For the first time, I sent the scholarship application. It was a master-plus-doctoral scholarship to Japan. I wasn’t hoping too much about this scholarship because I don’t really want to continue my study there. I still want France, or at least anywhere in Europe, for my master degree.

I also had a wish related to this blog. I wanted to write this blog fully in English. Yeah, I’ve made it!!!! hehe It doesn’t mean that I have a low nationalism. I’m proud being an Indonesian and I’m also proud with my country’s language. I just want to learn to express my thoughts and my opinions in English because I have a big dream that in the future I will pursue my carreer in a country far away from my homeland and I have to prepare it from now.

In spite of those good things that have happened to me in 2009, there were also some bad things happened. First, I “lost” one of my (used to be) closest friends. She’s not disappear. She’s just join to the other more exist cliche. I’ve apologized to her though I thought I didn’t make any mistakes. Now, she doesn’t even greet me whenever we meet. Yeah it hurted me so bad but time heals everything. Finally I could take it. I still have 4 bestfriends around me. We’ve shared laughs and tears together. Thanks a heaps, my bests!! The other thing also about a person whom I used to call a friend. I’ve just realized few months ago that all of the things that she’s done to me and my bests was fake. She’s a real backstabber. I dedicated this post just for her.

This year I also failed to balance my academic and non academic activities. I decided to quit from my unit and started to focus only in academic life. I know it sounds very nerdy. But, it doesn’t really matter for me to be called a ‘nerd’. My unit won’t be responsible about my future. I am the one who responsible about my future. Since I am so poor in managing time, I decided to focus only on study. I have a target that I must graduate in the middle of 2010.

In love life, I also experienced some failures. Haha GOD still made me waiting for my prince charming, of course. I finally could let someone to be with the girl of his dream. I didn’t obsessed with him anymore. This year, I also fell in love with one of my close friend (so insane!). We spent so many times together. That made me fell for him though there’s nothing special in him. At last, he apologized that he couldn’t be my bf. (FYI, I didn’t tell him I like him. He knew it by himself). What made me laugh was that he didn’t apologize directly to me. He said it in the messenger. Hahaha,,he’s not gentle at all. I erased all things about him and I also removed s accountfrom my FB’s friend list. I know that it seems so rude. I felt so dumb that I’ve ever fallen in love for him. Geeeeeee!!!! Then, I fell in love again with another guy. He’s 1 year younger than me and we have different religion. Wah! I didn’t realize it at the first time we met. I decided to stop adoring him. And what happen to my love life right now? Now, I’m crush-less hahahaha   I won’t ask GOD for a new crush next year. I just want GOD to give me a right man in the right time. Maybe someday.

Yup, that’s all my 2009 documentation, the year that I’ve experienced ups and downs in my life. Thanks GOD, I still surrounded with some brilliant people. They’re my family and my 4 closest friends. I love them so much. They always boosten up my spirit.

Happy New Year, bloggers!! Have a wonderful new year’s eve!

See you in January!

Merry Christmas 2009

Christmas is not just about fancy stuffs

Christmas is all about welcoming our baby Jesus Christ, our saviour with humble hearts

MERRY CHRISTMAS

(from ella & fam)

ps : are you curious about my family’s christmas tree? the picture above is ours!

little updates!

heyhoooo bloggers, how are you?

Finally I’ve done my last exam in this year. Yeah, of course I feel a little bit relieve though I’ll still have 2 more exams next year ( I mean in January) I can’t believe that christmas is just a few days away. Have you planned anything yet for your christmas? My family have prepared the christmas tree. This year is so special because my parents bought a new christmas tree, a very small one and it will be kind of ’snowy’ when we turn on the tree’s light. Maybe in the next post I will show you the picture of that christmas tree.

Last weeks was so busy, like I’ve told in the previous post. I really face the December madness syndrome. Despite of preparing for the exam, I also still had to do lots of assignments. But finally I’ve made it and now I’m free. Yeah!!

2009 will soon come to the end. Really..really..really sad because I have to work extra hard in 2010. I must accomplish my bachelor degree and immediately get a scholarship to continue my master degree abroad. I know, next year will be hard, but I have to face it!

Honestly, I still wanna have fun. Sometimes I want to turn back the time to the year 2007-2008 when I didn’t have to think seriously about my future. I know it’s impossible.

Keep fighting! Keep struggling! Semangat!

Say these words to myself : Ella, with GOD beside you, you can do it! You’re STRONG!

December Madness

Hello, bloggers! I miss you soooo much. Sorry for lack of updates. Again, I must say that college stuffs are really killing me. My final project has totally altered my life.

So, it’s already December now. Oh no! 2009 will end very soon. I still want my 2009, the best year in my life so far. In the previous years, I always felt sooo happy when it comes to December because December means Christmas. But this year I feel so nervous, sad, and afraid because this month will be the end of my 7th semester and I MUST start my final project research. I haven’t finished the final project research proposal yet until now because there are so many revisions that my advisor suggested me to make. Omg!!!!

Also, I’m so afraid to face 2010. The year that my age will turn 22 years old. The year that I MUST graduate. The year that I MUST get a scholarship to continue my Master degree abroad. 2010 will be hard. If only I could stop the time, I would like to stay in 2009. I still want to have fun with my friends and hang out to some places whenever we have spare time. Now, I only have a little time to do fun stuffs like that and I’m sure I’ll have less time soon. But, yeah I have to get real. I can’t stop the time. I must face 2010 and I will experience the hard (though maybe not the hardest) phase in my life.

Oh yeah, I’ll have my final exams in 2 weeks and I still haven’t prepared anything yet. :p keep fighting, keep struggling!!! Welcome December, welcome madness!!!

enjoy your weekend, guys!!

you know it..karma

I’ve been insulted by some people who didn’t know me and my close friends well. They said that we were trying to be exclusive by not mingling with the others. Choosing your best friends is one of  an individual’s privilege, isn’t it? Yeah, we surely have to be friends with everyone because we’re human, socialize creatures. But, it’s our nature that we want to share our thoughts, share our feelings with someones who understand us, rite? Someones who maybe don’t have the same paradigms but can understand us best. And I’ve found it in my bestfriends. Okay I spend most of my time together with them but not all the time. So, please don’t judge us wrong because you DON’T know the real situation is.

Do you know about karma? Every little thing you do, whether it’s good or bad, have its own karma. You’ll receive revenge for everything you do. I never pray for something bad to happen to someone. But I really believe in karma. I always wanna help everyone I know and I never think that maybe some of them will ’sort of’ using me to reach their own purposes. I don’t know maybe I’m too innocent or something so that they think I’m just a naive person that can be used by them. Gosh!

And 1 more thing, I’m not a malicious person. But, for me it is so hard to easily accepting someone’s apology. Don’t apologize to me. Just don’t do the same mistakes in the future. That’s what I want. For my (our) case, I think it doesn’t matter at all anymore now. At least, they have received their (bad) karma. And yeah I hate fake smiles, so if you don’t like me just say : “Ella, I don’t like your attitude!” in front of my face, instead of backstabbed me. Aaaannndd…I don’t like BIG MOUTH boys. It’s kinda banci for me.

Remember this quote by Michael Jackson?

Before you judge me, try hard to love me

Try to “love” us before you judge us. Ahh..luckily there’re just less than 1 year left. I want ot get out from this kind of situation. Really!

Easy To Talk, Uneasy To Act

I’m really opposed with different religion relationship and I’m so angry with everyone who involve in that kind of relationship. Until I nearly involved in that same situation. Yeah, I’ve had fallen with a wrong guy. And now I realize that it was a forbidden feeling.

I’ve known him for just about 1 or 2 months (I forgot). Since the first time we met each other, I knew that he’s a good boy.  He didn’t look me as a stranger, ever since when the first time we met. And I don’t know but we were so ‘clicked’ with one each other. We were like 2 old friends who haven’t met for a looong time instead of a stranger that have just known one each other. I adore his personality.

Few days later, he added my FB account. Of course I was so happy haha . Then I know he was a Moslem and younger than me. Dang! I tried to remind myself not to fall for him. Everytime I’m with him, I must say to myself : Ella, you mustn’t let this feeling grows.

This situation is really hard, actually. If some of you feel that I’m too naive not to try this relationship, well I don’t think so. For me, religion IS  a big deal. It is my basic principle to build a relationship with someone.

Once again this is rather hard for me for denying my own feeling. I’ve chosen to move on and not to think of him anymore. I prefer to be single now to having a wrong relationship. Yeah, he cares about me, he appreciates everything I’ve done, he’s a good boy, he treats me like a woman. He’s a-one-in-a-million-guy..like I always describe him to my friends. He’s my mood-booster. And yeah he’s a violist/pianist. Haha.. But, still, he’s not the right one for me.

Now I know how it feels for everyone who involved in a different religion relationship or marriage. It surely hard, doesn’t it?

It was easy for me to oppose that kind of relationship. But, when I involve in one of those, I feel that it was indeed  really uneasy. Yeah, life is always about to choose and now I choose to believe and stand in my own basic principle. I don’t want to dissapoint my family by choosing the wrong path in my life. Hihi

So happy Sunday reader..be prepare for the upcoming weeks!

 

ps: I have a Tumblr account. Feel free to give some visits there..

(hopefully will be) Sweet November

This saturday will be the last day of the first week of November. Gosh, I really don’t realize that time’s flown so fast. So, how was your first week of November so far, reader? Was it exciting? Me? Not really.

Actually November won’t be as sweet as it seems for me since I have a lot of things to be completed  by the end of this month. I must finish the final project proposal. I’ve finished it though but I still have to revise it because there are some essential things and basic principles that I’ve forgotten to put on the proposal. I’ve made a target for myself that at the end of this month I’ll have presented that proposal in front of my advisors. I hope I’ll have prepared everything for  the research on December. Aaaaaahhh…I wish 1 day were more than 24 hours!

And the second thing is…jengjengjeng..

I have to complete the application for applying a master scholarship. Yeah, I got the information about master and doctoral scholarship of international program to Japan few weeks ago from my friend. I thought there are nothing to loose so I decided to apply. So, currently I’m busy with completing all of the requirements. This saturday I’ll take the ITP TOEFL test. Please wish me luck, readers! I hope I can get a much better TOEFL score than 3 years ago when I took predictional TOEFL. And uhhhh…I haven’t made my CV. I don’t have any good pictures to put in my CV. Haha..

I still  pray that my November will be sweet, though. When I’m stucked in my busy activities, I always say to myself that December is just one month away. It means that christmas is just one month away.

Enjoy your November, readers whether you’re busy or not! Have fun…..

See you later..

 

ps : finally I’ve done all of the midtests. huff..so tired with the last exam today..12 number of problems essay..can’t you imagine??

A Beautiful Mess-Jason Mraz

You’ve got the best of both worlds
You’re the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you’re needy,
Humble but you’re greedy
And based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I’ve been reading
Your style is quite selective,
though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is

Hey, what a beautiful mess this is
It’s like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don’t mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
‘Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they’re quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There’s no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words I’m paraphrasing this relationship we’re staging

And what a beautiful mess, yes it is
It’s like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And the kind and courteous is a life I’ve heard
But it’s nice to say that we played in the dirt
Cause here, here we are, Here we are
Here we are [x7]

We’re still here
What a beautiful mess, this is
It’s like taking a guess when the only answer is “Yes”

Through, timeless words and priceless pictures We’ll fly like birds not of this earth

And tides they turn and hearts disfigure
But that’s no concern when we’re wounded together

And we, tore our dresses and stained our shirts
But its nice today. Oh the way it was so worth it.

 

ps : Maybe it sounds very silly, but I want this song to be sang in my wedding, someday when I’ll have found my own prince..the best one who can accept me whoever I am-a rather- reckless-minded girl.

Another End

I used to call you my enemy

I used to call you my best friend

I used to call you my crush

You could make me laugh out loud while listening to your cheesy joke

 

But now I call you a looser

I’ve accepted your apology

But our life have changed since then

So don’t try to be my friend anymore..please

Because I want to erase you from my heart, my mind, and my feeling

From now on, we’re strangers..

Have your own life..FIND YOUR BEST ONE! I DON’T CARE!

 

*for him..thanks GOD, I didn’t waste my tears for such a people like him.

ps: I really like the words of the picture above..fortunately I didn’t make him as my everything so now I don’t feel I have nothing..really thankful about that.

Corrinne May, The Amazing One!

I forgot when was the first time I listened to Corrinne May’s songs. But I always listening to her songs since like 2 weeks ago.  I listen to them everytime because I think that there are some messages in all of her songs. Somehow her songs can give strength to my life.

The best thing that I like about Corrinne May, this Chinese-Singaporean musician, is her humble way of life. We can see it from her performance. She’s very modest and not act as though as she is a big star. For me, she’s indeed a big star. I must confess that she’s gonna be one of my favourite musician. I love her mezzo-sopran timbre of voice. I’m also a mezzo soprano. From what I’ve read in wikipedia, she has started to play piano when she was 5 years old. Waa…I also started to play piano when I was in kindergarten just like she was. Wawawaaa…!!!

Readers, you should listen to her songs!

Take a look at the ordinary, don’t need to look for paradise. You could be next to the angel in disguise.

Scars make us stronger for life

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to the patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time

See? She’s amazing! Gosh, I wanna see her live performance someday!